All those people?
uhh i can’t breathe.
I can’t face this..
I need to stay home.
ANXIETY & FEAR. Running your life, controlling you. I use to use the excuse that i loved being alone, and i loved being at home only so i didn’t have to constantly go out or be in huge groups of people. The “Fear” of people not liking you, or the “Anxiety” that something bad might happen that you can’t control it over takes you mentally and physically.
About a week ago i went to an Elementary school to encourage them to always chase their dreams. I had a whole speech written out, i knew exactly what i wanted to say. I was a leader to these kids, some of them said “They wanted to be a singer just like me one day”. Of course i wanted to make them proud and encourage them. Towards the end they had lots of questions for me. One little girl who reminded me a lot of myself wanted to talk to me privately. She pulled me aside and said “I love singing, it’s my favorite thing. But, i get so scared people will laugh at me”. My heart was so sad hearing a 7 year old little girl say she was afraid to be herself. Then i remembered that was me. 11 years ago i was that little girl with messy brown hair and a crazy outfit on. I was always secretly songwriting in my notebook at school, dreaming about being on a stage somewhere. It wasn’t until i was 16 that i started sharing the songs i wrote. (Fear really limits you.) After she told me that she asked “will i ever not be scared?” After i went to all this trouble to have an answer for every question, i was stuck. I was so lost with how to respond. No matter how much i wanted to say “One day you won’t be scared anymore.” I couldn’t say that. I’ve been doing this for 12 years and i still get sick before every event and show with nerves. In High-School i was the only person who seriously sang. Instead of going out on the weekends with my friends. I was traveling playing shows, working in Nashville. Of course, people were mean. That only made my anxiety worse because, i felt like now i had something to prove. I had to prove i was a good singer, i had to prove i was good enough. So what do you tell an innocence little girl with all her hopes in your hands? I said exactly what i wish someone would’ve told me. I said “Roads get tough but, you’re stronger. Don’t you dare ever give up on your dreams.” that was something i constantly had to remind myself too. The “Fear” of not being enough really messes with your mind and limits yourself.
While being on the road i see lots of people, I’ve been getting lots of opportunities stepping out of my comfort zone. Things i never in my life thought i’d do, I’ve pushed myself to do. Once i started traveling it was very important to me to keep a strong faith. I wasn’t going to church every Sunday because, i wasn’t able to. It gets hard being away from all your friends & family all the time. A few weeks ago i was getting ready to play a show and do some radio interviews. I felt very overwhelmed and was getting homesick. I called my best friend crying and said “I feel dizzy, i can’t handle disappointing everyone. I asked God to guide me but, he isn’t talking back to me. I can’t hear him.” She paused for a few seconds, then said “Are you even listening to him? Have you even taken a second to take a step back, and give him a chance to respond?”. I said “Umm.. No but, i don’t have time for that”. She said “Romans 12:12, “Rejoice in our confident hope. Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying” stop, talking so much and listen. Learn to be patient”. That was my problem i wasn’t listening. I was taking control of my life instead of following God, and i let “Fear” and “Anxiety” take over (that’s something i really struggle with). I’m a firm believer everything happens for a reason but, i so badly wanted to be in control and know exactly what was going to happen so i could be prepared. I had to learn to let go, hand over my troubles and trust God.
Fear and Anxiety may always be there but, having faith in God, Listening and having hope in him that you’ll never me alone is the steps to overcoming anything that comes your way. Life isn’t easy but, it’s so worth it. Never give up on yourself. Never give up on your dreams.
God is our safety. He is our Hope, our Love & our strength.
“Let all that you do be done in love.”- 1 Corinthians 16:14